Shitty day - didn’t sleep much at all. Kept waking up, remembering and crying some more. Who knew your body could produce that much snot from nowhere?!
I feel desolate, and am torn between wanting to go home right now and hug my parents and brother tightly, and wanting to get to the Czech Republic and hug Marketa so tight nothing bad could happen to her. And I really would love some love from my white fluff-ball Yuki.
But Anne fought and fought for every scrap of life she could manage and the best and only real way I can honour her (too short, and too shitty end part of her) life, is to live my life as fully as I can. And to be grateful that when I snag my back, I can take medication that will help, or get a massage. Or just the simple joy of hanging out with my friends, my family, my cat. Anne’s life was reduced to a shell of existence and sadly she had nothing ahead but further pain and suffering. I don’t know how a body can carry on in the face of such adversity - it seems so cruel of nature to allow it to have gone on for so long and to have made her suffer. Why someone as good and with so much integrity should have been stolen from us, when there are much shittier people who just keep on keeping on. I am not mentioning names, but why a particular lying, miserable bitch gets such a long life, and Anne, our beautiful Anne got royally screwed over... Okay, rant over - not worth spending my time thinking of that other miserable bitch.
I went tot he shops in Jemgum today - partly just because, but also to get a sympathy card to send to the Ortegren’s.
9th January
Just a lazy day today - went down to the shops in Jemgum so I could collect my winnings from the wrong lotto tickets I bought.
I know I should be taking joys in all the small things - but it’s easier said than done... Intellectually I know Anne is so much better off now, but a world without her seems really bleak right now.
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